© 2009 Marica

013 – Together in spirit

The next message you need is always right where you are.
— Ram Dass

I’ve been feeling out of sorts today and I don’t really know why. It was a beautiful sunny day outside and yet there was an emptiness inside me. As I looked around all I could see was things that needed doing, only I didn’t want to do them. It’s been one of the longest winters I have ever experienced and to tell you the truth I am tired. The house on the other hand is saying “freshen me up”.  The garden is saying come and tend me. I didn’t want to listen. I wasn’t interested.

Then this afternoon it dawned on me what was wrong. It’s more what’s missing as opposed to anything being wrong.

As I walked past my oldest daughter’s bedroom  – yes, I still call it that even though she left home two years ago – the late afternoon light filtered through the sheer curtains. The sparkling patterns lured me closer. I went and sat on my daughter’s bed and watched the show created by the dancing lights reflecting on the curtains as they swirled around in the gentle breeze. I could hear my daughters laughing. I could see us doing things together. I could see us as we once were. I could see them now as the beautiful independent and successful young women they have become. On those curtains I saw our time together when we all lived under the same roof flash by me.

This afternoon I felt my daughters presence in that room. It was as though they were there putting their arms around me and hugging me tight. I realised in that moment that the ache inside me today was because I missed my girls. I know we talk all the time using Skype, Facebook, MSN and the telephone but it is not the same as having their physical presence in my life. It is however a lot better than having no contact at all. I couldn’t imagine what it would be like without all the communication technologies available to us today.

Being a mother really does have its light and dark side. I want my children to spread their wings and fly. At the same time I’m selfish, I want to be able to spend time with them as much as I possibly can.

I love you Zofia and Mira. I hope you can feel my loving arms around you both at this moment. I’ll be the light that you see dancing on your walls or curtains wherever you may be.

18. Every day express love. Some people need to hear it. Most people need to see it. Don’t take it for granted.
35. Every day focus on what matters to you.
36. Every day be still. Connect to your inner being. Listen and be guided by it.

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