There’s a difference between ‘lubricating the wheels’ – helping someone progress on their own path versus taking over and preventing the person from developing in any way for themselves. My Dad had knack of helping where he would tell me, show me the first few steps, and then watch me do the rest of the task, stepping in to advise if necessary, but otherwise letting me get on with it. Even making a mistake or two. I didn’t recognise it at the time – I was too busy making sawdust or pruning the grapes or whatever – but how liberating. For the both of us.

By showing me how to cut a straight line with a handsaw Dad didn’t retain any power or control, he willingly passed that knowledge and power to me. In exchange I believe his mana was increased because his son can now put a (mostly) straight cut through wood. Dad could’ve made the cut himself – it would definitely have been faster, straighter, ‘better’ – but in doing so he (and I) would have been subtly diminished.

How loving. How trusting.

Manifesto
15. Every day make a difference to yourself and others.
18. Every day express love. Some people need to hear it. Most people need to see it. Don’t take it for granted.
38. Every day be brave and give things a go. Use fear to trigger you into action.

I don’t believe there’s more or really any different colours than in any other season, it’s perhaps just because I take a bit more time to notice them. To reflect on the changes and what might be changing in, and for, me. To be grateful for the changes.

Manifesto
05. Every day is now. The present moment.
18. Every day express love. Some people need to hear it. Most people need to see it. Don’t take it for granted.
30. Every day use all your senses. Touch. Smell. Taste. Hear. See.

My body was under attack.

For starters there was the constant pain on my left side that started in my back and moved to my stomach. There was the weird feeling that something was crawling under my skin. The itchiness. The super sensitivity of my skin – if anything touched it I felt like I was being zapped by electricity. The tiredness only I couldn’t sleep – I couldn’t get comfortable. About three days later the first spots appeared. I had my suspicions. I hoped I wasn’t right only it turned out I was.

“You have shingles,” said the doctor.

I wanted to scream but I sat there silent. Until a few months ago I knew almost nothing about shingles and in many respects I wish it had stayed that way. My husband was also diagnosed with shingles back in December only his was on his face.

“Did I catch it from my husband?” I asked immediately. I had a need to blame someone.

“No, this is pure co-incidence. You can’t catch shingles from someone else that has it,” responded the doctor.

“Yeah right,” was my thought.

What did I do to allow this sleeping virus to wake-up and flourish in my body?

Fact one: anyone who has had chickenpox has the shingles virus lying dormant in their nerve roots waiting to be activated.

Fact two: the virus remains dormant forever in some people – they are the lucky ones!

Fact three: this virus wakes-up when disease, stress or ageing weakens the immune system. Bingo, two out of three for us. The last 12 months have been incredibly stressful. In many respects I’d be quite happy to file 2011 into a memory file that I don’t return to too often if at all. As for ageing – well, we’re both over 50 so sadly we’re on that downhill slope.

My husband keeps saying to me “shingles is your friend”.  This irritates me. He believes we both ended up with shingles because our bodies were sending us a message – a wake up call of sorts. Our bodies were trying to tell us that they’ve had enough and we need to look after them better – “You need me in good working order and I can’t do this alone. Take better care of me.”

Over the last 10 days my wonderful husband has looked after me above and beyond the call of duty in an attempt to help me on to the path of being well. This is his gift to me and I love him for it. I was down, and even though he still isn’t fully recovered himself, he was there alongside me.

This morning as Lynsey dropped me off as close as possible to the venue where I would be working today I noticed this poster on the outside of the Archives New Zealand building. I looked at it and thought, “That is what Lynsey has been doing- he has been carrying me.” I felt so incredibly blessed.

My husband carries me in so many ways. He loves me unconditionally. He believes in me and my abilities. He encourages me. He is there through the good times and the bad.

Thank you Lynsey for being the extraordinary man that you are. I love you so much.

xoM

 Manifesto
12. Every day love yourself.
21. Every day seek the support of others. You are not alone.
35. Every day focus on what matters to you.

The south coast.

The sun arcs overhead. Waves rolling out like freshly floured pastry on the shore. The ancient traditions of worshipping on the sea shore. It’s the one place most people can find a space in the corners of their minds for themselves.

Each of us chases the waves in our own way.

Living life out, breathing life in.

It’s a prayer for ourselves, voiced in the infinite voice of angels.

That is the only way we know how to do it.

Manifesto
05. Every day is now. The present moment.
23. Every day retain your personal power. It belongs to you. No one else.
39. Every day trust that there is a bigger picture. You are a part of it even if you may not know what it is.

I don’t believe there’s some enormous cosmic (or comic) plan, some conspiracy or other force at play – I just think that behind the sadness and frustration there’s nothing. I refuse to reinforce the sense of loss by giving it a meaning or interpretation. It’s just loss. I find no comfort in peppy pop psych quotes about how “change is good” and “change is the only constant”. Believe me, when the lights go out, the old fears are just a heartbeat away.

What’s proven far more valuable to me is to work with the sense of gain with gratitude for those things that continue to work and those people who are still here.

I got to spend a few precious moments with my father-in-law Mate (say: Marty) this afternoon. There’s never enough time. We talked about photography and how the technology had changed. I enjoy his company very much. He’s generous with his stories, with his heart, and with his laughter – and I love that very much – but I sometimes I feel helpless about what I feel he isn’t telling and I feel sad at the untold story. It’s like the silence between the words weighs more – there should be more, more – something. There’s an unspoken meaning, something I’m missing, misunderstanding. I fall back in the chair and we carry on. Working with what we’ve got. Nothing more, nothing less. Thank you. That’s enough.

Happy Father’s Day Mate.

Manifesto
20. Every day say thank you.
21. Every day seek the support of others. You are not alone.
42. Every day celebrate. Who you are. What you have achieved. Things that matter to you.

There’s another terrific thing about having friends who see things in other ways. There’s a universe of sounds, sights, and smells out there that we don’t always notice, or take the time to pay attention to, let alone to enjoy. If you’ve got a friend who can show you something new to hear, see, or smell, your perception of the world expands to a whole new horizon. It helps you feel better about yourself too, experiencing new things in new ways. And being out, on a bright and beautiful morning, with a friend, on Lyall Bay beach.

Manifesto
01. Every day is a fresh new day.
05. Every day is now. The present moment.
14. Every day the ordinary can be the extraordinary.

My office overlooks our city’s Civic Square. It is the most spectacular view. Every day as I look out any of the numerous windows that line the walls I always take the time to soak in the moment and feel grateful. These windows are living picture frames. The natural, every day art works enclosed within these rectangles always move me in some way. I am forever grabbing my camera to try and capture the memory of what I see before me but none of these photos ever truly do justice to the experience of what I see and feel.

Today as I was working away one of my colleagues told me to look out the window. I saw an older couple walking across the square holding hands. They seemed so in tune and connected with one another. They looked like they loved and cared for one another. I found myself smiling as I watched them walk.

“That’s what you and Lynsey will be like,” my colleague said to me.

As I reflected on this scene I remembered a poem Lynsey and I read to each other on our wedding day – Let’s grow old together.

Let’s grow old together …
beginning with today.
Let’s work slowly with each other and build a relationship that we can both enjoy being a part of.
Let’s share love and understand that neither of us is perfect; we are both subject to human frailties.
Let’s hold each other close and whisper though the night – pledging our love, honouring our commitment.
Let’s encourage each other to pursue our dreams, even when we’re weary from trying.
Let’s expect the best that we both have to give and still love when we fall short of our expectations.
Let’s be friends and respect each other’s individual personality and give one another room to grow.
Let’s be candid with each other and point out strengths and weaknesses.
Let’s understand each other’s personal philosophy, even if we don’t agree.
Let’s lie awake long into the night sharing our innermost secrets.
Let’s be friends as well as lovers.
Let’s laugh at time and plan with each other and wonder how we ever got along without this love we’ve found.
Let’s never take for granted these moments that we’ve shared, but always be reminded of how intensely we have learned to live, how completely we have learned to love.
Let’s grow old together…
and look back on life and smile.
- Braxton Brown and Peggy Smith

Manifesto
03. Every day is an opportunity to reflect on the past.
04. Every day is an opportunity to cultivate the promise of the future.
05. Every day is now. The present moment.

It’s the best thing ever, if for no other reason than when you’re in love, madly in love, you become kind of blind. You just don’t see the world around you in quite the same way – everything is either beautiful – or you don’t care – or both. No-one knows where love grows … but I love that it does.

Manifesto
17. Every day look through a new lens.
18. Every day express love. Some people need to hear it. Most people need to see it. Don’t take it for granted.
46. Every day you can change your thoughts.

I go for a walk at lunch time – fresh air and blood moving – some energy to get through the afternoon. As I’m walking I wonder what the rest of the world is up to. There’ll be the usual bad things, of course, amplified one moment by the media, forgotten a few seconds later. And there will be as many, if not more, good things to be found in the moment.

Where are you right now? Exactly where, exactly right now?

Are you seeing what you want to see? Or are you seeing what you always see?

I often retreat to my inner jungle. It’s pleasantly warm there. The sun is always rising. The plants are beautiful – fragrant, lush. The animals are starting to move around. I feel as though I’ve been away on the longest journey and it feels so good to be back.

Manifesto
05. Every day is now. The present moment.
14. Every day the ordinary can be the extraordinary.
19. Every day make time for yourself.

I dropped off to sleep and it was one of those wonderful free dives into the ocean – deep, dark, endless.

I woke some time later beyond refreshed. I could recall the edge of a dream – the feeling rather than any specifics. I felt terrific – the feeling was as though I’d been away for a very long time – a very extended journey, and now I was back. Back, and feeling great about having been there and back.

I wondered about this – for me it’s a time when the fragrance of change is in the air. Autumn. Seasons. Flavours. I’m ready to come back – ready for the changes that are shaping up. It feels good. Great.

I know a number of you are on the road or are on journeys or are out of sight of land. You know who you are. It’s ok. It’ll work out fine. Come home, come back when you’re ready. Don’t rush it, there’s no need. Trust yourself. We love you. Look for the signs. Find the wings. The road awaits. It’s within. Your heart. Your dream.

Manifesto
02. Every day is an opportunity for a new beginning.
19. Every day make time for yourself.
36. Every day be still. Connect to your inner being. Listen and be guided by it.