For a while now I have been following Connie Hozvicka (Dirty Footprints Studio) as she has transformed herself from a school art teacher to an Artist – yes, an Artist with a capital A!

Connie is passionate about the ability of art to change lives and she has certainly used it to create the life she wants to be living. Connie oozes “creative juiciness” and her passion is very infectious. I have participated in a number of her online art journalling workshops and have loved each experience and my interactions with her.

Yesterday Connie promoted an upcoming wishBIG ecamp and offered a gift to her readers:

“Just in case you’re feeling lucky…
I’m giving away one free registration to a lucky commenter!

Yep, all you need to do is leave a comment below telling me what your wishBIG is for 2012….and you might be the lucky snowball that wins!”

I am not sure why this invitation attracted my attention. First of all, I don’t believe in wishes (fanciful time wasting says the sceptic in me). Secondly, I have come to believe that there are two types of people in this world – those that are born lucky and those that aren’t. I definitely fall in the latter category. As you can see there is lots of healthy left brain thinking going on here: wishing is a waste of time and is for dreamers, setting goals and taking action is what its all about, dreams can’t possibly come true so why waste time thinking about them … I could go on but I’m sure you get the picture.

Fortunately, I also have a right brain – my wonderful creative and spirited friend that said to me, “Really, is that what you honestly believe? Why don’t you wish? Where’s the harm in giving it go?”

I have a book, The WishingYear by Noelle Oxenhandler, sitting in the rather large book pile by my bed waiting to be read. This book has been there a while. It is in pristine condition – it has not been opened. A part of me thinks, “I bet her wishes come true and do I really want to know about it”. Another part of me thinks, “There might be something in this and maybe I need to explore this more – maybe I need to start wishing.”

Thanks to Connie, I started wishing yesterday. I began by wondering what my big wish for 2012 is. What I desire to happen for me above all else in the coming twelve months.

Here’s what I wrote …

Hi Connie

Thanks for this opportunity. You have an amazingly generous spirit.

Wishing is not something I do very often for myself but I do it very easily in relation to others.

I have convinced myself that wishes come true only for lucky people and I am not one of them. For me luck has never figured into anything, only hard work. It is exactly this thinking and it’s related actions that has led me to the point where I am writing this from bed as I am trying to recuperate from shingles. My body has said I’ve had enough – you will slow down – so in the last 7 days I have had plenty of time to think about what I want to change in my life as I have tried to deal with the endless pain caused by this virus inside my body.

My wishBig for 2012 is that I start honouring and believing in myself and accept that I am enough as I am. I always think I’m not good enough and that I have to prove myself to be worthy of anything and everything. As a result I push myself incredibly hard and take everything I do very, very seriously. I am always putting energy into needing to be more – to improve and develop myself to be the best I can be – and being there for everyone else. However I always forget that I need some of me as well.

I have allowed my day job to control my life. I want to change this situation. At the moment it is a means to an end. It is not my life’s work. It is not how I will be defined on my death bed. I do have dreams for a different future. I get panicked that time is running out and that I need to do it all now. I don’t. Rome wasn’t built in a day and neither will I be. This is a lifetime’s work and that is why I want to make very day count but not at any cost.

What I want is to love me as I do so unconditionally everyone else. I want to love all of me and make time to honor my physical, spiritual, creative, and intellectual needs. I want to bring balance, laughter and joy back into my life so I can start turning my dreams into reality.

I want to be that girl that allows herself to make a wish with a dandelion in her hand and imagine anything is possible. I want to believe and trust that wishes can come true for me too.

Love Marica

There are numerous other wishes lurking around inside me. They are begging for a voice if they are to have any power to become real.

What do you wish for yourself in 2012?

Manifesto
12. Every day love yourself.
17. Every day look through a new lens.
34. Every day focus on your dreams.

It all started out as a run of the mill eye test. A couple of years and it’s time for me to get my eye test sorted. It’s relatively painless, and although I had some vague concerns I didn’t have any real fears. It’s an eye test, I’ve had them before, what can go wrong?

Well, nothing wrong with the test part of the eye test. The story is not quite the same for my eyes, and a further test is required. Not quite the news I wanted to hear. I feel a bit frightened. Memo to body: what are you playing at?

My eyesight is such a vital part of my self identity – I was suddenly afraid about how I’d cope if my eyesight vanished. How would I earn a living? How could I learn the necessary skills to be able to even get a job? We’re all short on time – what are you going to do with what you have left?

If your eyesight were to fail suddenly – and it does for some people in accidents – what would be the last thing you’d want to see? A favourite scene? A loved one? A work of art? A velvet painting of Elvis? Does it really make any difference?

Is there really a longing, a loving, a gratitude for something until you’ve either lost it or about to lose it?

Either way, you get on with the day … but I’m still wondering about what you do with what you’ve got left.

Manifesto
20. Every day say thank you.
26. Every day take action. Every small step counts.
45. Every day you are a different person.

“You know, if you want to avoid me, you should stop coming here.”

Lea stirred from her daydream and looked around nervously. Who… ? The guy in the other seat stared out the window. The driver concentrated on the obstacle course ahead.

“Over 2.3 million passengers. You know, you’re the only one I talk to.”

The left side of Lea’s top lip twitched. Again. She could feel herself frowning. Perspiring.

“So, you got nowhere. Are you taking care of yourself?”

Lea’s sunglasses started to slide down her perspiration slicked nose.

No-one else seemed to notice the conversation opening. Lea squirmed. The question hung in the air. Someone or something, was trying to talk to her.

“This is crazy. No-one speaks to me on this bus. I am going home. Alone. As usual. Nobody likes me. I am completely alone, and no-one is talking to me now”, Lea hissed under her breath.

The bus lurched and continued to grind up the hill. Lea pushed the stop alert button, and the driver pulled in to the curb.

Lea swiped her bus pass over the monitor, and stumbled out and away without looking back.

“You know,” said the Driver, turning to confront the monitor, “My orange friend, you’re a real laugh; but you’re so damn mean to those single girls!”

There was a moment of silence. They both laughed as the bus pulled away from the curb…

Manifesto
24. Every day is a journey. Not a destination.
28. Every day you will be tested.
32. Every day have a laugh.

The greatest achievement was at first and for a time a dream. The oak sleeps in the acorn, the bird waits in the egg, and in the highest vision of the soul a waking angel stirs. Dreams are the seedlings of realities. — James Allen

My dreams are coming true.

Dreams I didn’t even know I had.

I need to spend some time dreaming bigger. Not like those ‘hey you, loser – yes you – buy my book/course/dvd and you’ll be more’ self development infommercials. It’s more along the lines of not limiting my dreams to the kinds of things that I know can happen and start to think about some more interesting, more exciting (at least to me) options.

Even the oaks make these wildly vibrant lime green leaves in Spring. Talk about inspiring. They change them for other ideas later in the season. And then in autumn, some oaks go with vibrant reds, others work with tans. Beautiful. Thank you, oak.

Time for new ideas. More writing.

Manifesto
34. Every day focus on your dreams.
37. Every day fight for what’s worth fighting for. Pick your battles.
46. Every day you can change your thoughts.

Oh, Saturday morning. Isn’t today the big day? Big plans, plenty to do? Action packed places to go, people to see? After a very solid week’s work, 48 hours of me-time. So, get up and go! Go! Go!

Can I check back with you later after a cup of coffee or two?

Just kidding. It has been a most productive day. Perhaps one of the most productive in a long time.

Manifesto
19. Every day make time for yourself.
27. Every day pain is a sign of growing.
32. Every day have a laugh.

It’s a kind of magnet in the late afternoon. I think we might have to keep it on after the Rugby World Cup.

When else, where else is the light so beautiful?

Of course, most of the people are more interested in the other attractions than the way the light runs across the buildings and scampers up the hill sides.

In the world headquarters of the verb, even the light is an activity.

Manifesto
14. Every day the ordinary can be the extraordinary.
24. Every day is a journey. Not a destination.
50. Every day has an ending.

I’m walking down the street early this afternoon. I’ve just had a successful meeting. Things are going well.

Suddenly, there’s a lemon tree, complete with lemons, vibrant orange-yellow lemons. Completely out of context. How bizarre to see a fruit tree in the middle of the city. I was torn between being delighted and feeling slightly stupid. I’d walked past about 30 minutes earlier – and didn’t notice the lemons. Did someone just put them there? How could I have not noticed them?

Quite simply, there’s no explanation. I guess I was looking at something else, travelling somewhere else in my mind. Not paying attention, at least not to unexpected citrus trees.

Meanwhile, precious, beautiful, life slinks past. Just glides away. Vanishes. Unnoticed. Ignored…

Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans. — John Lennon

Manifesto
05. Every day is now. The present moment.
17. Every day look through a new lens.
28. Every day you will be tested.

The second learning was an acceptance that not only could I not progress to the next step without assistance from other people, I really wanted to collaborate with others. Together we can do it. A bit of motherly advice there, thanks Mum.

We’ve been talking a lot about times of processing compared with times of action. The processing part has sometimes been rather frustrating, but the action part feels good. What’s starting to happen is, after what seems like the longest time waiting – getting ready to get ready – that some of my dreams are starting to roll down the runway, gathering a little momentum. This time last week? Gathering spider webs and dust bunnies. Today, a bit creaky, but moving. Progress, onwards and upwards.

Finally.

Exciting!

Manifesto
04. Every day is an opportunity to cultivate the promise of the future.
08. Every day choose to bring about change.
10. Every day connect with somebody.

Back in the day Te Aro Park in Dixon/Manners Street was replete with pigeons. Replete. There were hundreds. Thousands. The park was more commonly known as ‘Pigeon Park’. I loved the crazed fluster of wings and the mad enterprise as the flocks soared and squabbled over the crusts from the lunch time crowds.

Later, I made a series of photos of pigeons in Cuba Street, and I used them to help get entry into design school. Somewhere along the way I lost the photos – I wonder if they were as good in reality as they are in my mind.

Today, I still love the metallic feather sparkle that pigeons exhibit when they strut around in sunlight. Their lolly pink feet – pigeons walk on lolly pink feet. Other birds, like sparrows and starlings, hop. Pigeons have a proud, almost defiant stance. And I especially love the fact that, despite the best efforts of the authorities, there are still pigeons fluttering and jostling for crusts on our streets.

Manifesto
14. Every day the ordinary can be the extraordinary.
30. Every day use all your senses. Touch. Smell. Taste. Hear. See.
49. Every day is a good day.

Other than the bright blue skies on those magical clear days, Wellington is not a brightly coloured city. That’s not to say that the town is colourless, rather that Wellington specialises in a fine range of muted tones. The combinations are often subtle, but often very beautiful. There’s also a rich fusion of Victorian and more modern architectural styles – it’s terrific – very inspirational.

As I walk around hunting for the elusive shot of the day, I wonder what the stories are behind the façades and windows. If this building was in use by time travellers, is this the light fitting they’d use?

Manifesto
36. Every day be still. Connect to your inner being. Listen and be guided by it.
41. Every day use your mind. It is the greatest technology ever created.
45. Every day you are a different person.