My body was under attack.

For starters there was the constant pain on my left side that started in my back and moved to my stomach. There was the weird feeling that something was crawling under my skin. The itchiness. The super sensitivity of my skin – if anything touched it I felt like I was being zapped by electricity. The tiredness only I couldn’t sleep – I couldn’t get comfortable. About three days later the first spots appeared. I had my suspicions. I hoped I wasn’t right only it turned out I was.

“You have shingles,” said the doctor.

I wanted to scream but I sat there silent. Until a few months ago I knew almost nothing about shingles and in many respects I wish it had stayed that way. My husband was also diagnosed with shingles back in December only his was on his face.

“Did I catch it from my husband?” I asked immediately. I had a need to blame someone.

“No, this is pure co-incidence. You can’t catch shingles from someone else that has it,” responded the doctor.

“Yeah right,” was my thought.

What did I do to allow this sleeping virus to wake-up and flourish in my body?

Fact one: anyone who has had chickenpox has the shingles virus lying dormant in their nerve roots waiting to be activated.

Fact two: the virus remains dormant forever in some people – they are the lucky ones!

Fact three: this virus wakes-up when disease, stress or ageing weakens the immune system. Bingo, two out of three for us. The last 12 months have been incredibly stressful. In many respects I’d be quite happy to file 2011 into a memory file that I don’t return to too often if at all. As for ageing – well, we’re both over 50 so sadly we’re on that downhill slope.

My husband keeps saying to me “shingles is your friend”.  This irritates me. He believes we both ended up with shingles because our bodies were sending us a message – a wake up call of sorts. Our bodies were trying to tell us that they’ve had enough and we need to look after them better – “You need me in good working order and I can’t do this alone. Take better care of me.”

Over the last 10 days my wonderful husband has looked after me above and beyond the call of duty in an attempt to help me on to the path of being well. This is his gift to me and I love him for it. I was down, and even though he still isn’t fully recovered himself, he was there alongside me.

This morning as Lynsey dropped me off as close as possible to the venue where I would be working today I noticed this poster on the outside of the Archives New Zealand building. I looked at it and thought, “That is what Lynsey has been doing- he has been carrying me.” I felt so incredibly blessed.

My husband carries me in so many ways. He loves me unconditionally. He believes in me and my abilities. He encourages me. He is there through the good times and the bad.

Thank you Lynsey for being the extraordinary man that you are. I love you so much.

xoM

 Manifesto
12. Every day love yourself.
21. Every day seek the support of others. You are not alone.
35. Every day focus on what matters to you.

My office overlooks our city’s Civic Square. It is the most spectacular view. Every day as I look out any of the numerous windows that line the walls I always take the time to soak in the moment and feel grateful. These windows are living picture frames. The natural, every day art works enclosed within these rectangles always move me in some way. I am forever grabbing my camera to try and capture the memory of what I see before me but none of these photos ever truly do justice to the experience of what I see and feel.

Today as I was working away one of my colleagues told me to look out the window. I saw an older couple walking across the square holding hands. They seemed so in tune and connected with one another. They looked like they loved and cared for one another. I found myself smiling as I watched them walk.

“That’s what you and Lynsey will be like,” my colleague said to me.

As I reflected on this scene I remembered a poem Lynsey and I read to each other on our wedding day – Let’s grow old together.

Let’s grow old together …
beginning with today.
Let’s work slowly with each other and build a relationship that we can both enjoy being a part of.
Let’s share love and understand that neither of us is perfect; we are both subject to human frailties.
Let’s hold each other close and whisper though the night – pledging our love, honouring our commitment.
Let’s encourage each other to pursue our dreams, even when we’re weary from trying.
Let’s expect the best that we both have to give and still love when we fall short of our expectations.
Let’s be friends and respect each other’s individual personality and give one another room to grow.
Let’s be candid with each other and point out strengths and weaknesses.
Let’s understand each other’s personal philosophy, even if we don’t agree.
Let’s lie awake long into the night sharing our innermost secrets.
Let’s be friends as well as lovers.
Let’s laugh at time and plan with each other and wonder how we ever got along without this love we’ve found.
Let’s never take for granted these moments that we’ve shared, but always be reminded of how intensely we have learned to live, how completely we have learned to love.
Let’s grow old together…
and look back on life and smile.
- Braxton Brown and Peggy Smith

Manifesto
03. Every day is an opportunity to reflect on the past.
04. Every day is an opportunity to cultivate the promise of the future.
05. Every day is now. The present moment.

The mind that is wise mourns less for what age takes away; than what it leaves behind.
– William Wordsworth

Today I officially became one year older. I love how this transformation happens overnight. You go to bed one age and the next day you wake up one year older.

As the grey hairs continue to increase in number I wonder how did I get to be the age I am today. It seems like yesterday my parents were this age and I was much younger. I am supposed to be wiser now than I was all those years ago and yet often I wish I knew then what I know now.

Life happens. You do some great things. You do some stupid things – mistakes – some big and others insignificant in the greater scheme of things. You do some things because you have to. You avoid certain things. You take risks when necessary. You learn a lot about yourself and others along the way. Experience is a great teacher.

One of the best things about getting older has been learning to love me and not caring about what others think. I feel so much freer and confident as a result. There are so many things about growing up that I am so glad to leave behind. For me life keeps getting better with each passing year with one exception – my physical body isn’t as sprightly as I would like it to be.

So as I begin a fresh new year in my life I want to thank everyone that has been a part of my life up to this point. Thank you for being you. Thank you for being there for me through the joys, the sorrows and everything in-between. You all make my life so much richer. You are what life is all about for me.

Manifesto
27. Every day pain is a sign of growing.
31. Every day mend bridges, bury hatchets, say sorry and move on.
43. Every day accept you will make mistakes. Learn from them. They are opportunities in disguise.