The second learning was an acceptance that not only could I not progress to the next step without assistance from other people, I really wanted to collaborate with others. Together we can do it. A bit of motherly advice there, thanks Mum.

We’ve been talking a lot about times of processing compared with times of action. The processing part has sometimes been rather frustrating, but the action part feels good. What’s starting to happen is, after what seems like the longest time waiting – getting ready to get ready – that some of my dreams are starting to roll down the runway, gathering a little momentum. This time last week? Gathering spider webs and dust bunnies. Today, a bit creaky, but moving. Progress, onwards and upwards.

Finally.

Exciting!

Manifesto
04. Every day is an opportunity to cultivate the promise of the future.
08. Every day choose to bring about change.
10. Every day connect with somebody.

I don’t believe there’s some enormous cosmic (or comic) plan, some conspiracy or other force at play – I just think that behind the sadness and frustration there’s nothing. I refuse to reinforce the sense of loss by giving it a meaning or interpretation. It’s just loss. I find no comfort in peppy pop psych quotes about how “change is good” and “change is the only constant”. Believe me, when the lights go out, the old fears are just a heartbeat away.

What’s proven far more valuable to me is to work with the sense of gain with gratitude for those things that continue to work and those people who are still here.

I got to spend a few precious moments with my father-in-law Mate (say: Marty) this afternoon. There’s never enough time. We talked about photography and how the technology had changed. I enjoy his company very much. He’s generous with his stories, with his heart, and with his laughter – and I love that very much – but I sometimes I feel helpless about what I feel he isn’t telling and I feel sad at the untold story. It’s like the silence between the words weighs more – there should be more, more – something. There’s an unspoken meaning, something I’m missing, misunderstanding. I fall back in the chair and we carry on. Working with what we’ve got. Nothing more, nothing less. Thank you. That’s enough.

Happy Father’s Day Mate.

Manifesto
20. Every day say thank you.
21. Every day seek the support of others. You are not alone.
42. Every day celebrate. Who you are. What you have achieved. Things that matter to you.

We are now officially half way through 2011. I’m sitting here wondering where these last six months have gone?

Oh yes, now I remember, it’s been busy. Very, very busy in fact. One day has blurred into the other and somehow I feel cheated as though I wasn’t a participant in what took place – yet, I was. There was the review and re-structure at work, having to apply for a new position, being successful in my application and then having to establish a whole new team, having numerous visitors come to stay from overseas, beginning a new programme of study which required me to travel one weekend a month to Auckland, and then there was the myriad of normal challenges that life likes flinging at us. In the process I became lost to myself.

It became very clear to me that things had to change.

Over the last six months an important process has taken place that has helped me clarify the way forward. It was gradual and I didn’t even realise what was happening. Each decision I made felt right – it was as though a huge pressure had been lifted off me.

Today, as I watched the rain fall and felt the cold of winter bore its way into my being I was surprised as to how energised and excited I felt. I’ve learnt that giving things a go is important. I’ve also learnt that when it isn’t working how you imagined you can pull the plugs and move on. Often we change without even realising it and yet our dreams and passions are stuck with the old us and not where we are here and now.

I appeared to have moved on only I hadn’t consciously registered this fact. I wanted to make the space in my life to be doing what matters to me today.

This has definitely been the season of making decisions and self-discovery. None of this has been easy and without a lot of angst and the odd tear or two, but it has all been worth it. I know what I want and now the challenge is to make it all happen. I’m going to need all the energy I can muster!

As an aside, the fruit in this picture is a quince – a fruit introduced to me by my husband Lynsey. The quince jelly Lynsey makes is unbelievably delicious and the smell of this fruit is quite unique.

Manifesto
22. Every day refine, clarify and simplify.
38. Every day be brave and give things a go. Use fear to trigger you into action.
43. Every day accept you will make mistakes. Learn from them. They are opportunities in disguise.

While making the shot I wondered about the apple – to me, a food as well as a concept or an idea that resonates in so many ways of ‘home’. I could call up many memories in which apples had a role. Ubiquitous, but anything but common. Humble yet noble, the everyman (or woman) fruit.

If I was travelling to a far-off place what would I take? I decided that like the Victorians, yes, I think I probably would take an apple tree or two with me – for the fruit, the wood, for the love, for home, and for my new home. Across the globe, across the years.

Manifesto
04. Every day is an opportunity to cultivate the promise of the future.
14. Every day the ordinary can be the extraordinary.
30. Every day use all your senses. Touch. Smell. Taste. Hear. See.

Look at you. Pathetic. Start ups always fail. You and your ridiculous dreams. You’re never going to amount to anything. Buck your ideas up. You’ve left your run too late. What do you think you’ll be able to change? You’ll do a lot with a big stick and a tin of stones. I’m very disappointed in you. Design is not one of your strengths is it? We’ve tried that before. Not exactly original is it? None of the competitors do it therefore it’s not standard, and therefore we’re not going to do it. You’re too little. I can see no-one has taught you how to do this before. You can’t do this. You’re lazy. Knew you couldn’t do it. Doesn’t count. What would you know? We wish you the best for your future endeavours. Not your best effort. We don’t need any more of your designs. Nobody takes you seriously. Weak. It doesn’t work. Won’t amount to much. I don’t like it. You’re spoiled. You’re just showing off. You should’ve paid attention. Could try harder. You got it wrong. Loser. Fail.

Do let me know if I’ve missed any out.

Give me the benefit of your convictions, if you have any; but keep your doubts to yourself, for I have enough of my own. — Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Manifesto
12. Every day love yourself.
23. Every day retain your personal power. It belongs to you. No one else.
28. Every day you will be tested.

God is a concept,
By which we can measure,
Our pain,
I’ll say it again,
God is a concept,
By which we can measure,
Our pain,
I don’t believe in magic,
I don’t believe in I-ching,
I don’t believe in bible,
I don’t believe in tarot,
I don’t believe in Hitler,
I don’t believe in Jesus,
I don’t believe in Kennedy,
I don’t believe in Buddha,
I don’t believe in mantra,
I don’t believe in Gita,
I don’t believe in yoga,
I don’t believe in kings,
I don’t believe in Elvis,
I don’t believe in Zimmerman,
I don’t believe in Beatles,
I just believe in me,
Marica and me,
And that’s reality. — John Lennon (mostly – sorry, John)

When we started Fresh New Day about a year or so ago, I just had lots of high hopes and dreams. I didn’t believe a whole lot of any thing back then. Things worked out different – better in some ways, worse in others. We reached out and found other people – new ideas and new friends. Wonderful and very worthwhile.

Thank you one and all.

Manifesto
01. Every day is a fresh new day.
20. Every day say thank you.
49. Every day is a good day.

Malik dreams of striding across the veldt with a huge herd of African elephants. To trumpet wildly with the sheer joy of freedom. Ears flapping, charging, fending off the cackling hyenas, protecting the elephant calves from lions and other scourges. Reaching out to caress the young, to comfort the aged, to celebrate victories with the strong. To feel a part of the herd, to be valued, to belong. To remember, to remember true, forever — the elephant’s privilege.

Malik longs for the dawn when the cold night air concedes to the first fingers of golden light – the sun rising and the haze beginning to stir. Lizards scuttling among the grass tufts. The ants labouring in lines, the bee-eaters flashing colours and chattering in deep conversation in the thorn bushes. Later in the day the clouds will clot and lightning slashes at the air heaving with pounding rain. Mother Africa.

Malik wants to be more, bigger, better. Malik works in every way to become a superior elephant, not necessarily the herd leader (although that would be welcomed), but a senior and respected member of the extended elephant family. It is not to be. For reasons unknown to Malik, the dream will not, cannot, come true. No-one can bring themselves to tell Malik – some truths are too big to share.

Malik holds the dream. Anything to get through the day.

Manifesto
12. Every day love yourself.
25. Every day your light shines for others to see.
28. Every day you will be tested.

How we seek the right angle. I don’t mean the 90^o kind of right angle, I mean the kind of edge to get things done. The right way. The wu wei. The angle of repose. The active inaction. The do without doing. Naturally occurring evidence. It’s the kind of thing you often see with someone who can do a manual task with the elegant simplicity that looks absolutely effortless.

I love to watch this kind of activity. The ballet of blowing glass. The delicacy of cake decorating. Cutting glass. Throwing a lump of clay on to a wheel and then stroking up a beautiful pot. The one that grinds me – people who can draw a likeness in a couple of lines, a dot or two, and a couple of squiggles. I hate them, I love them.

In my head I know there’s hours of practice and failure before this effortless magnificent, but I also secretly hope that one day there’ll be some astounding talent to be mined out of my murky depths and I’ll be able to amaze my friends and family.

I guess everyone dreams of having super powers. Maybe it’s just about getting the angle right.

Manifesto
13. Every day be better than you were the day before.
19. Every day make time for yourself.
23. Every day retain your personal power. It belongs to you. No one else.

I really like how ideas are connected. Not necessarily networked, but there’s a thread between them. We were talking the other day about dreams and whether we only dream about what we’ve already seen, or whether our dreams can possibly expose us to creative ideas – positive twists and turn on concepts that we would never have thought of in any other way.

I believe our dreams can tap up a creative side we can’t get near in our waking moments. I believe our brain can grab images, sounds, smells etc, and then mashes up new combinations for us. The next step is for us to dream up, and develop up, our business a step or two further.

Manifesto
06. Every day you make choices.
21. Every day seek the support of others. You are not alone.
22. Every day refine, clarify and simplify.

“Nothing great in the world has been accomplished without passion,” philosopher G. W. F. Hegel once said. Passion is not always fun. Like anything worthwhile, pursuing your passion often involves great courage, commitment, hard work and sacrifice. People following their dreams are prepared to take risks, tackle new challenges and cope with setbacks to live a more passionate life.
– Cassandra Gaisford, Following Passion Bears Fruit, The New Zealand Herald, 13 January 2010

Seeing my daughter Zofia’s face smiling back at me from a newspaper page was an unusual experience. I looked at the image, read the article and felt an overwhelming sense of pride.

“This is my daughter,” I heard myself saying without actually speaking the words out loud. “Her perserverance and persistence has paid off. Go Zofia!”

At the same time I felt a deep sadness because the writer of the newspaper article was able to spend face-to-face quality time with Zofia (now based in London) while I couldn’t. I miss my daughter a great deal even though we communicate almost every day – actually I miss both my daughters every day.

When you give birth to a child you don’t think about what it will be like when they leave home – this event seems to happen far too quickly. From my perspective something special is lost forever when your child spreads their wings and flies away to create their life, their future. Don’t get me wrong, this is how it should be. This is what I wanted for my children. I have encouraged them since they were little to follow their passion and be who they wanted to be. Yet, for me when they left I felt an unimaginable grief that even surprised me.

Reading the article in the newspaper today I wanted Zofia right there beside me. Not just in spirit but also in a physical sense. I wanted to hold her, to hear her voice and just be with her – you know, like those times when no words are adequate or needed, when you just relish the moment and be together. This wasn’t possible today so I had to compensate by imagining how that would have felt.

For almost three years now we have been providing encouragement and all the at-distance support we could to Zofia as she has travelled to the other side of the world in pursuit of living her passion. Her dream to work in the art world has led to lots of hardship for her. Nothing has come easy and every day still presents lots of challenges to her. Yet through all this she is doing what she loves and is managing to make a life for herself at the same time. I admire her so much and how she hasn’t given up.

Imagine how I felt when I read her words …

“I was lucky enough to get a very low-level job in one of the biggest auction houses in the world, Christies. For a long time I lived on virtually no money and sometimes struggled to pay the rent. But people there soon saw how passionate I was about art, and how willing I was to take whatever came along. I kept applying for jobs both inside and outside Christies because I really wanted to get some employment security. There were times when it was so tough – both financially and because of homesickness – but I vowed to give myself six months and if it didn’t work out I’d give up my dream.”

“The sacrifice was worth it. I have been able to see and experience so much more in the art world in London where there is more of it than in New Zealand. I have a job where I get to meet people I never imagined meeting and get up close to art and artifacts that you can’t even get that close to in a museum! It also enabled me to discover more about myself and what career path I really wanted to pursue.”

“Money’s still tight and sometimes I miss my family so much I just want to go home, but then I pinch myself and say, ‘Hey I’m living my dream! The other day Christies sold a Rembrandt for £18 million ($39 million), making it the fourth most expensive Old Master painting ever sold at auction. I was in the room that night they sold it and at the end of the sale we sold a beautiful drawing by Raphael for £29 million. This is the most expensive work on paper ever sold. It was amazing to bear witness to that event.”

What can I say … today, and every day, I am so honoured to have had the chance to be involved in growing my three children and helping them to become the wonderful adults they are today. Zofia, Damian and Mira, I love you more than words or actions could ever express.

Today I was reminded of the importance of chasing your dreams. I am more inspired than ever to keep chasing my own. I can make them come true just as my children have done.

Manifesto
24. Every day is a journey. Not a destination.
26. Every day take action. Every small step counts.
34. Every day focus on your dreams.