Some days we wish time away so that the day will end quickly. We want to forget these days and all that happens during them. This is often easier said than done. More often than not we find ourselves replaying the events of such days as though they are a movie to be watched many times over. These days are usually the product of things that are beyond our control yet our responses are not.

Today was one of those days for me.

I woke in the wee hours of the morning with a headache and a sore throat. Actually it felt like I had a golf ball stuck in my throat. Despite taking painkillers I was feeling worse with each passing hour.

“Here we go again,” I thought. “Will I never learn?”

Every year I manage to gradually run myself into the ground so that when this time of year arrives I have no resistance left to deal to anything.

Despite sleeping most of the day I didn’t feel any better. I hate to admit it but I was feeling sorry for myself as I lay there.

It wasn’t until the phone rang late in the afternoon that I realised my problems were insignificant in the bigger scheme of things.

I heard the words spoken, “Marica, I’ve got cancer” and a familiar panic surged through my being.

“No, this can’t be happening,” I was silently screaming. Not again. First my son and now my sister.

On the other end of the phone my sister Diana was crying so much I couldn’t make out what she was saying apart from those dreaded words, “I have cancer”. I repeated them over and over silently. I remembered doing the same thing when I was told my son had leukaemia.

Why do days like today have to happen? There’s no logical reason, they just do. Every day someone hears bad news. Every day people fight to stay alive whilst elsewhere people kill in the name of some war or other.

Today I felt rusty, cracked and in desperate need of repair.  I really don’t know which way to turn either – nothing is more important than being there for the people you love and yet there are all those other competing demands pulling at us and requiring our attention.  Christmas is in a few days and I still have heaps to do to get ready. I’m meant to be at work sorting things out before everyone goes on holiday. I have a throat infection. I am completely exhausted. Yet no matter how broken I feel, like that wall, I am still here. I am still standing. I will heal as long as I give myself the respect I deserve. I’m no good to anyone if I don’t look after myself. Why is this so hard to do?

I need to summon all my energy to get well so I can be there for my sister. She is what matters now. Oh how I wished I could have just got on a plane and gone to be with her.

Thank goodness days like today don’t happen too often. My heart is heavy yet it is also bursting with love for the gifts that are still there even when life sucks. In many respects it was good that I was home sick in bed today so I could talk to my sister when she needed me. I was able to be fully present without other people listening in on our conversation. I was able to phone her back and talk more. I was able to be there and do whatever she needed from me. Some gifts are priceless.

Manifesto
39. Every day trust that there is a bigger picture. You are a part of it even if you may not know what it is.
48. Every day there are things you can’t change. You can change the way you think about them and deal with them.
50. Every day has an ending.

The doctor of the future will give no medicine, but will interest his patients in the care of the human frame, in diet and in the cause and prevention of disease.
–Thomas Edison

In our home we don’t say, “An apple a day keeps the doctor away” even though I always try to have some apples in our fruit bowl. Instead we prescribe to the powers of a different fruit. In our home the saying is, “A banana a day keeps the doctor away!”

My husband Lynsey thinks bananas are a wonder product and slowly I have come to realise the same thing.  Check this out …

Bananas contain three natural sugars – sucrose, fructose and glucose combined with fibre.

A banana gives an instant, sustained and substantial boost of energy. Research has proven that just two bananas provide enough energy for a strenuous 90-minute workout.

Bananas can also help overcome or prevent a substantial number of illnesses and conditions, making it a must to add to our daily diet.

[Check this one out - this is for all my Wellington friends who are waiting for summer to show her face and who are struggling with the longest winter ever] … Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD): Bananas can help SAD sufferers because they contain the natural mood enhancer tryptophan.

When you compare a banana to an apple, it has four times the protein, twice the carbohydrate, three times the phosphorus, five times the vitamin A and iron, and twice the other vitamins and minerals.

It is also rich in potassium and is one of the best value foods around.

Source: A banana a day? from the vitalhealthnews.org web site

Every morning as we’re getting ready for work Lynsey asks me if I’d like a banana – his secret pick me up treat when the energy levels start to flag during the day.  Sometimes he doesn’t even ask me if I want one, he just pops one in my bag and I find it in there when I get to work.

I dutifully place the banana on my desk but often I forget to eat it. If this happens a few days in a row I end up with a pile of bananas on my desk, slowly going brown with each passing day. The other problem I have is I only like eating firm bananas which are not too ripe so once they go beyond that point I am not interested in eating them anyway.

One morning I walked into work and a colleague (a Pacific Islander who likes her bananas very, very ripe) turned around to face me and started to apologise for having eaten one of my brown bananas. I was relieved, she felt guilty. “Please eat them all,” was my response. She was surprised.

From that day on I would walk into work every morning, head over to my colleague’s desk and hand her my banana. It became a daily ritual. When Lynsey realised what I was doing he started to give me two bananas to take in to work – one for her and one for me.

My colleague began to call Lynsey her “banana man”. He faithfully supplied her daily fix and I was his carrier.

When I resigned from that job my colleague was devastated. “Who’s going to give me my bananas?” she asked.

My new job was working for another are within the same organisation. So if I see a browning banana, or two, sitting on my desk I’ll go and seek out my former colleague to give them to her. However, this is happening less often these days because I am now eating my bananas. I simply make sure the bananas don’t get a chance to go brown.

As I spotted two browning bananas in the fruit bowl today at home I smiled and thought of my colleague. She is not around, so these two beauties are destined to become either banana cake or banana and blueberry muffins.

Into the kitchen I go …

Manifesto
19. Every day make time for yourself.
29. Every day eat, drink, rest, work, exercise, play, love, create for your own good. And the good of others.
45. Every day you are a different person.

Our religion keeps reminding us that we aren’t just will and thoughts. We’re also sand and wind and thunder. Rain. The seasons. All those things. You learn to respect everything because you are everything. If you respect yourself, you respect all things. — William Least Heat Moon

Flying home last night I was chatting with a fellow passenger about expectations and the kinds of things we might find acceptable. Ok, so you don’t do that kind of thing, good for you. My fellow passenger had been going through some issues in her life, and she’d reached a conclusion that, well, enough was enough and she was going to explore some alternatives. She didn’t know what they were, but she was in explore mode.

I remembered a guy I worked with, years back. A bright young man who’d somehow managed to eel his way through school without learning to read and write. We’d helped him solve some issues regarding his bank account by writing the words for the amounts of money down for him to copy. Up to ninety nine. He didn’t want to know more than that because he believed he’d never have more than that in his bank account anyway. He refused my offer to help him with his reading and writing because he didn’t need it. A short time after I left the company, and I’ve never seen the guy since.

I suspect that having made the decision that he’d never have more than $99.99 in his bank account might well have come to pass. Not having reading and writing skills would help ensure that the expectation was met. Together this would help determine his life options – job options, eating options, living options, health options, holiday options, marriage options, his children’s options – in fact all of the profile lines that at the very least would be influenced by this determination. I hope I’m wrong, and that he has overcome the attitudes, expectations, and values of youth, and that he has prospered. I wouldn’t bet on it though.

I think about our expectations as being the brontide of distant thunder. In setting our expectations we set in motion what we are prepared to accept, for good or bad. We are being respectful of ourselves, and towards the people around us, in direct proportion. If the storm arrived fully packed with our expectations would we be delighted or would we have rather have worked towards something else? Lily Tomlin said, “I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.”

Manifesto
08. Every day choose to bring about change.
09. Every day learn something new.
12. Every day love yourself.

Wisely, and slow. They stumble that run fast.
– William Shakespeare

Speed kills. We hear this message repeatedly – driving at excessive speed kills people. The statistics back-up this message. Speeding is a serious road safety and major public health issue in our country. Every time we choose to speed we’re taking a risk. We know the potential consequences. If we don’t slow down we can expect someone or something will make us do it. There are signs along the road to remind us to slow down but do we pay heed to them? Some do and they continue on their journey. Others are not so fortunate and their journey comes to an abrupt and tragic end.

Living a life where we are constantly speeding (in terms of the pace of our lives) can also kill us. Only this type of speeding is more insidious – it takes longer and it works from the inside-out. We miss so much when we buy into the frenetic lifestyle that is the norm today. Everything is getting faster and faster. We keep going faster to try to keep up. We feel we’re a failure if we can’t. Making the decision to not buy into this craziness doesn’t seem a viable option and we ignore all the signs telling us its time to slow down.

I realised over the last few days how important it is to make room for down time in my life – and not once in a while, but regularly. It can take on many different forms and doesn’t involve having to physically go away anywhere.

Even though my head knows all this stuff making the necessary choices to bring about change is harder to do. I keep thinking “if only I had more time”.  In reality what would I do differently with this extra time that I couldn’t put in place now.

I have enjoyed my break away from my every day routines and pressures. I felt so lucky to have had this opportunity. While I was away I felt more alive and more inspired. I slept well, went for walks, ate well, and generally chilled. I was happy and I felt at peace. Now my challenge is to continue to do this while at home and not wait for the signs telling me to slow down or else …

Manifesto
06. Every day you make choices.
29. Every day eat, drink, rest, work, exercise, play, love, create for your own good. And the good of others.
36. Every day be still. Connect to your inner being. Listen and be guided by it.

I woke at 3am with a thumping headache. My automatic response was to get up, take some tablets, massage the nape of my neck and my shoulders with lavender oil, and then crawl back into my warm bed. I lay there waiting for my remedies to work their magic. My head continued to throb, I felt nauseous, and all I could think about was that this headache had better disappear before my alarm blared out at 6am. My day ahead at work invaded my thoughts – I didn’t want to let anyone down and there were things that needed to be done.  I couldn’t be still in that moment and think positive thoughts. All I could think about was what needed doing and why was this happening to me. Eventually I must have fallen asleep.

Some hours later I woke up.

Through the haze of a still very unhappy brain I tried to get up and get going for the day. My body had a completely different intention; it was screaming at me to stop.

So I did. I listened for the first time in ages to what I really needed to do. After a day in bed, some medication, and lots of sleep I think the haze is slowly starting to clear.

Thanks body for knowing what’s best for me when I don’t. I’m sorry I take you so for granted all the time. I’m so grateful for everything you do for me every day.

Manifesto
12. Every day love yourself.
19. Every day make time for yourself.
36. Every day be still. Connect to your inner being. Listen and be guided by it.