I wonder about the people in their cars – are they set on going home because there’s something special awaiting them there, or will it be the same-old same-old, food where form follows function, and a grope for the remote control. After a day at the office what more could you ask for?

I begin to feel uncomfortable about the time I’m spending on the shoot. Don’t I have to be somewhere else, doing something else, somehow more important? Interesting thought. After some reflection (and a few more shots) I decided that no, right here, right now was the somewhere, something, and somehow that was important. I could ease a gap into my time somewhere else. Or forget about it. The ultimate outcome will remain the same, for all of us.

The photographs I make, and the writing that I do, is what I have to say. What is it that you have to say, and how do you say it? I’ve been thinking a lot about this recently. What is our/my time here all about, and how will this be expressed when we go? It’s easy to get involved in a huge slice of busy-work – get to the office, get to the game, deliver the kids, make the meal, mow the lawn, watch this do that be this be that…

The time is gone,
the song is over,
thought I’d something more to say — Pink Floyd – Time from Dark Side of the Moon

I’ve realised that for me, it’s not the individual photograph, or selected collection of words that defines me; any more than a cook is defined by a specific meal, a hunter by a certain kill, or a preacher by a specific sermon. Rather it is the coherent body of work – the portfolio – driven by, and built over time, more often than not created unconsciously, that describes us at a higher level that provides the lasting definition.

Our individual decisions and acts provide the polish on the faces of the gem of our life.

Manifesto
06. Every day you make choices.
07. Every day making no choice is a choice.
25. Every day your light shines for others to see.

People often say that this or that person has not yet found himself. But the self is not something one finds, it is something one creates.
– Thomas Szasz, “Personal Conduct,” The Second Sin, 1973

This past week I have been immersed in a creative process that has left me feeling different. It may sound trite to say I feel transformed yet in reality this is the best way I know of describing the experience I have been through.

As each day began and ended I had to deal with the self doubt within – the fear I couldn’t do the tasks set and the messages to myself that I wasn’t good enough. The emotional roller coaster I went through was interesting as the learning process pushed all my buttons – artistically, technically, psychologically, physically and emotionally. Tears were shed as self doubt took hold yet I was determined to deal to this inner critic once and for all.

And I did!

For our final photo shoot we were given the opportunity to do anything we wanted with the proviso that the photograph had to be of either someone else in the class or our self.

The thought of doing a self portrait really appealed. I have never taken a photo of myself before; in fact I normally try to avoid having photos taken of me. Far more importantly though was the desire to change my relationship with my self critic because all too often I allow it to overwhelm me and hold me back. The only problem was I had no idea how I was going to take a self portrait that would address this issue.

In my motel room, leaning against a mirror I began to experiment. I felt I was exposing myself in my photographs in a raw way and yet it felt the right thing to do. When I looked at the results on the computer the next day I was excited by what I had produced.

Creating these self portraits was the beginning of a new journey for me. I feel at long last like I’m headed in a direction that is true to my core being. It is as though the light has gone on and I’m allowing it to shine.

Being able to photograph people is such a priviledge and a huge responsibility. Getting to know oneself and creating oneself to be who we’re meant to be is also a big responsibility. Being authentic takes courage. This doesn’t always come easily or naturally.

I’ve seen the light as a result of this week’s experience. Now I have to get on and do what needs to be done.

Manifesto
06. Every day you make choices.
08. Every day choose to bring about change.
17. Every day look through a new lens.

Seven days ago we arrived strangers.
After being challenged, photographing only each other and a lot of critiquing … something happened.
We discovered new perspectives of each other and ourselves through different eyes and hearts.
Many photos were taken.
After putting into practice all we learnt, these photos were reduced to what you see before you.
In this process we became connected.
We are strangers no more.
– Alison, Allan, Charlotte, Jacqui, Janet, Leonie, Marica, Ros, Sandy, Tracey, and Fleur (our tutor)

A lot happened today that was very profound for me.

To begin with I showed some photographs in an exhibition. This was a first for me and a wonderful experience. This exhibition, entitled Strangers No More, was the final part of the week long portrait photography course I have been on. During this week I learnt all about creating photographs of people that engage the viewer on an emotional level. These “new ” portraits are all about the creation of  an emotional connection between the photographer and the subject so that the final portrait depicts the subject in an authentic way.

Every day we took hundreds of photos of each other. By the end of each day we were expected to have chosen the two best photographs. By the end of the week our portfolio of 10 photographs was whittled down to only two photographs that we would exhibit. To do this we became immersed in an intensive editing process which involved a lot of critiquing, discussion, feedback and self reflection. This was no simple task. Along the way I  learnt about what makes a good photograph and what doesn’t, and I also learnt a lot more about myself and what makes me tick. Another change that occurred was that all of us participating in this class became closer. We definitely began the week as strangers; this was not the case today as we proudly shared our work as a collective to the public.

The second great thing that happened today was that I won a prize – the Summer School 2010 Fleur Wickes Challenge. On the first day of our course our tutor Fleur asked us how we wanted to handle the week. All of us said we wanted to go hard. Fleur’s challenge was to see how far we could push ourselves and she said she would award the person who had come the furthest over the week a prize. This prize was three hours one-on-one with Fleur.

At the exhibition Fleur announced the prize winner – ME! I was so overwhelmed. I was awarded this prize for my “commitment, guts, and straight-up native talent”.

This was a really big day for me and I loved it. If I hadn’t been prepared to take a risk and put myself in a situation where I felt really out of my comfort zone I would never have had this experience. I’m so glad I listened to my intuition and gave it a go.

Manifesto
42. Every day celebrate. Who you are. What you have achieved. Things that matter to you.
44. Every day remember how far you have come.
45. Every day you are a different person.