As one year comes to an end and another begins I go through a process of looking back in the hope that it will help me to move forward. This annual ritual is not always a pleasant process as my family will tell you.

All too easily I become consumed with what didn’t happen and what I didn’t achieve. You know the routine – you start by looking at the list of goals you’d set the previous year, you go through them and discover the truth … I didn’t lose weight, I didn’t exercise enough, I didn’t blah, blah, blah …. on and on I go. Often I am not even aware this negativity has taken over although I do know the consequences of it only too well. I feel sad and worthless as a result. My dreams are discounted. My passions are ignored. My achievements are not even acknowledged, let alone celebrated. The thought of things being different seems impossible. What’s even worse I start to set similar goals for the year ahead because this year it is going to happen – only it doesn’t. I then start to look for all the faults within me that are to blame. And to think – I do this to myself. I choose to put myself through this angst and for what purpose?

Every year I try to change my response to this self-imposed yearly review and every year I return to this same place to a greater or lesser extent.

This year I am determined to change this pattern.

In retrospect it is true that 2010 was a year full of many challenges – my sister fighting endometrial cancer, my mother-in-law almost dying and her difficult rehabilitation process, my uncle in Croatia becoming ill and dying, my son’s ongoing health issues, Lynsey’s job being disestablished and uncertainty over my own job are a few examples of what I dealt with.

As I look back I realise my role was to love, to support, to listen, to physically help out where needed – basically to do whatever was required to help others and myself get through whatever presented itself – and I did it despite the numerous obstacles along the way that tried to trip me up. So even the difficult times were a gift because they helped me to focus on what really matters to me.

It is easy to look back in retrospect and say if only I had done such and such. The fact is we can’t go back. We all do the best we can in any given moment in time. The only thing we can change is what we do next once we realise what it is we would like to have changed.

At the same time 2010 was a year full of some amazing experiences and achievements for me – further developing my portrait photography skills by completing two courses and showing my work in two exhibitions,  being accepted for the Masters in Art Therapy programme at Whitecliffe College of Arts and Design, celebrating my mother’s eightieth birthday, being promoted at work, completing a number of online journalling workshops, going on a five week trip to the UK and Europe, forming new friendships both in-person and online, and creating all sorts of different art works whenever I had the opportunity.

As with every other year of my life what has been is now relegated to the archives of my being. The memories are there should I need to call them up – the good, the bad, the ugly.

None of this need to define the way forward unless I choose it to.

So what have I learned about me over this past year and what am I going to take with me and develop further as I go forward?

I learned that I am so much more than any one thing that I have or haven’t done. I am so grateful for the year that’s been because I have grown and changed as a direct result of all I experienced. As for the year ahead – bring it on I say. I am ready! I have behind me what I have already learnt. I have the ability to be creative and always challenge my thinking. I am ready to learn more this year about me, about life and about living. I am ready to be even better than I already am and that feels great.

Manifesto
02. Every day is an opportunity for a new beginning.
03. Every day is an opportunity to reflect on the past.
04. Every day is an opportunity to cultivate the promise of the future.

I once spent a long time trying to figure out how we might get better at the things we do. For a while I thought that reflective practice was the answer. I now don’t believe so – at least not by itself. I think there is huge benefit in writing – journaling, keeping a diary, reflecting on and reflecting in practice. I don’t believe all performance improves in isolation. There’s only so much living in a cave a person can do. Sure, you can practice off stage until you drop, but if you want to get better you have to go on stage and strut your stuff, and get the subsequent feedback – accolades – brickbats – good, bad, indifferent – who cares? In the end it’s all the same. In some cases, if you haven’t been rejected you just haven’t been trying hard enough; in other cases acceptance is a mark of disaster.

What I am inclined to believe is it takes time to build up experience and expertise – five years to earn a living, more time for mastery, for leadership, and for artistry. And all the time, consciously trying to get better, to push out the frontiers, to go out beyond the known places – the safety zones – to explore ideas never thought of before.

Manifesto
04. Every day is an opportunity to cultivate the promise of the future.
09. Every day learn something new.
13. Every day be better than you were the day before.

Now let us welcome the New Year,
Full of things that have never been.
– Rainer Maria Rilke

Making gnocchi was a great thing to do on the last day of the year. Not only was our last meal of 2009 delicious, there was something incredibly calming about the creation process. Making the gnocchi dough from cooked potato, flour and eggs is a messy process. Initially all the ingredients are separate. Slowly you work to combine them so that eventually you have a smooth pasta dough ready to be rolled out into individual gnocchi – the separate ingredients become one.

In many ways this has typified my past year, even the past decade, as I tried to blend everything together to function as smoothly as possible. There have been successes and failures – all of them learning opportunities. There has been laughter and sadness. There have been dreamed unrealised, new dreams formed, lots of reviewing and reflection. I have developed new skills and put to rest ones that I don’t need at the moment. Growth has happened. There are still many lessons to learn, lots of living to do and fun to be had.

I enter 2010 with an open mind. There is a heaviness in my being, a kind of dread, because of some of the challenges that I know lie ahead. At the same time there is a sense of excitement about the unknown, the newness of every day and every year. There is an incredible amount of extraordinary in the ordinary. Living an “ordinary life” is not half bad. The best thing about my life is I share it with people I love and who love me. Together we are a mighty force.

Sara Ban Breathnach suggests we tear up our list of resolutions because we have all we need and we have all we could possibly want. A new friend said something similar to me recently. She said: “Marica, you are enough. You have all you need.” I found this concept very thought provoking. Now I need to work out how this translates into the life I dream of living.

Good-bye 2009. Thank you for all that has been. A new day is about to dawn.

Manifesto
01. Every day is a fresh new day.
02. Every day is an opportunity for a new beginning.
50. Every day has an ending.

“Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind. “Pooh,” he whispered.
“Yes, Piglet?”
“Nothing,” said Piglet, taking Pooh’s paw, “I just wanted to be sure of you.””
– Winnie the Pooh

It’s been 100 days. We’ve made it to the triple digits.

For 100 days Lynsey and I have taken photographs, chosen one to share with all of you and written a reflection based on that photo. The writing part was meant to take a maximum of 30 minutes – Yeah Right! Taking a photo every day should be no problem – in theory yes this is true, in reality it can be difficult because you are generally always having to look at the same subject matter. Our ability to “see” has really been challenged. I have been amazed at what has come out of this first 100 days and I can’t wait to see how the next 100 days unfold. We are creating a garden of delights, born of us, and every day we are discovering more about ourselves and our life as we go about living it.

These 100 days have certainly had their ups and downs. Living what you believe is not always easy – sometimes it feels like the world is conspiring against you and it probably is. Doing what we want to be doing is also not always easy. Lynsey and I have certainly been tested over these past 100 days – over and over again in actual fact. We have both fallen asleep at the computer in our attempt to publish before midnight each day. We have set ourselves high expectations and we have been determined to meet them – even exceed them. We are putting pressure on ourselves but we are doing so willingly because this matters to us. Fresh New Day matters to us a great deal.

For me it has been so different doing this project with someone else. I have tried to do it alone and somehow it wasn’t the same. This time Lynsey and I can support one another. Some days Lynsey carries me on his shoulders and other days it is the other way around. Both of us are always looking everywhere all the time and invariably one of us is waiting for the other while a photo is being taken of something that has caught our eye. We are both inseparable from our cameras now.

Seeing each new day in different ways, even when we are doing all the same things, isn’t always easy either. I find I have to focus quite hard some days to find the positives and the beauty of what is. Even with my camera in hand some days I struggle to see what is right in front of me – the extraordinary in the ordinary. But by working on Fresh New Day it has made a difference to me on so many levels – the effort has definitely been worth it.

Receiving feedback from all of you has had a profound impact on me. Every day we receive messages reinforcing that what we are doing is making a difference to others and that makes my heart burst with joy. I also love it when we get to meet people in person who visit our site. The other night when we were out we were chatting with a woman and it suddenly dawned on her who we were – “Oh, so you’re Fresh New Day. I love your work,” she said excitedly.

So, 100 days have passed. Now on to the next 100!

Thank you one and all for sharing this journey with us and please don’t forget to keep in touch. We love hearing from you.

Manifesto
01. Every day is a fresh new day.
17. Every day look through a new lens.
45. Every day you are a different person.

Light tomorrow with today!
– Elizabeth Barrett Browning

He was arriving on the last flight from Auckland. It was due to land at 10pm. I couldn’t wait to see him.

As I was driving to the airport I passed through the city. It was buzzing. People were everywhere. I hadn’t seen it so alive for a while. There is a big event happening in town tomorrow and you could tell.

As I pulled up at the airport it was a completely different story. There were lots of empty parked cars but no people anywhere. Walking into the airport building I was struck by the emptiness of the place. It was such an odd feeling. Only the cleaners around – picking up after everyone and getting the place ready for others to use. You could tell that people had been there but they were now all long gone.

All the shops, eating areas and bars were closed. All the check-in counters were deserted. The escalators were still. Lights were dimmed in places. No one sitting around waiting – for anything or anyone. A normally bustling place was almost breathing a sigh of relief – it was taking some time out to recharge and refresh before the next onslaught, the next flight to arrive or depart.

As I wandered towards the gate where his plane was due to arrive I noticed that even the tarmac was deserted. Where were all the planes? Was I at the airport?

Looking through all the glass windows – into the various waiting areas where passengers are herded prior to boarding a plane, out on to the tarmac which is generally like a motorway with planes coming and going but was now quiet, and out beyond to the night lights and the night sky – I felt at peace and it felt good. This was time to be alone, to think and just be.

Through the tiredness at the end of a long day I love this opportunity to be quiet, to reflect on what was, what is over with for now, and the joy of having some rest so that tomorrow I am ready to start again – only new and different. I realised this evening that no matter how much I may want today to end it does have an impact on my tomorrow. The good part is that I control what that impact is. Everything is connected and all of it matters. Taking time out to just be at one with ourselves and our world is so vital if we are understand what that connection is.

Manifesto
23. Every day retain your personal power. It belongs to you. No one else.
36. Every day be still. Connect to your inner being. Listen and be guided by it.
42. Every day celebrate. Who you are. What you have achieved. Things that matter to you.