People often say that this or that person has not yet found himself. But the self is not something one finds, it is something one creates.
– Thomas Szasz, “Personal Conduct,” The Second Sin, 1973

This past week I have been immersed in a creative process that has left me feeling different. It may sound trite to say I feel transformed yet in reality this is the best way I know of describing the experience I have been through.

As each day began and ended I had to deal with the self doubt within – the fear I couldn’t do the tasks set and the messages to myself that I wasn’t good enough. The emotional roller coaster I went through was interesting as the learning process pushed all my buttons – artistically, technically, psychologically, physically and emotionally. Tears were shed as self doubt took hold yet I was determined to deal to this inner critic once and for all.

And I did!

For our final photo shoot we were given the opportunity to do anything we wanted with the proviso that the photograph had to be of either someone else in the class or our self.

The thought of doing a self portrait really appealed. I have never taken a photo of myself before; in fact I normally try to avoid having photos taken of me. Far more importantly though was the desire to change my relationship with my self critic because all too often I allow it to overwhelm me and hold me back. The only problem was I had no idea how I was going to take a self portrait that would address this issue.

In my motel room, leaning against a mirror I began to experiment. I felt I was exposing myself in my photographs in a raw way and yet it felt the right thing to do. When I looked at the results on the computer the next day I was excited by what I had produced.

Creating these self portraits was the beginning of a new journey for me. I feel at long last like I’m headed in a direction that is true to my core being. It is as though the light has gone on and I’m allowing it to shine.

Being able to photograph people is such a priviledge and a huge responsibility. Getting to know oneself and creating oneself to be who we’re meant to be is also a big responsibility. Being authentic takes courage. This doesn’t always come easily or naturally.

I’ve seen the light as a result of this week’s experience. Now I have to get on and do what needs to be done.

Manifesto
06. Every day you make choices.
08. Every day choose to bring about change.
17. Every day look through a new lens.