© 2009 Marica

086 – It’s never okay

Violence is never okay – NEVER. Yet sadly it appears to be a common occurrence in our country.

I was horrified to read that in New Zealand (now remember we only have a total population of approximately 4.3 million):

  • There were 23 murders related to family violence between January and August [2009], including nine of children.
  • One in three women – and one in five men – will experience family violence.
  • On average, 14 women a year are killed by their partners or former partners.
  • There are 3500 convictions a year for assaults on women.
  • One in five women is sexually assaulted at least once in her life.
  • Police statistics show a 15 per cent increase in family violence offences in 2007-08, with more than 86,000 complaints.

Source: White ribbon race breaks silence on violence, Amanda Fisher, The Dominion Post, 26 November 2009

Life is hard work. This is not however an excuse to justify violent behaviour. Sadly the challenges of daily life (both the self-inflicted kind and those that a person has no control over) can be so incredibly daunting for some that the way forward, the way to change their situation, becomes confusing and unclear. All too often people, especially men, resort to some kind of violence as though this will solve their problems – only it never does. Violence is not the answer to anything.

Sadly there is also a huge amount of violent behaviour that no one ever hears about – it goes on behind closed doors and that is where it remains. In particular there are all those people ( primarily women and children) that die a little bit at a time on the inside because of the insidiousness of psychological abuse – they lose confidence, belief in self, feel trapped, feel like they have no options and they feel they have no one to turn to for support and help. These scars don’t heal. They can fester and cause all sorts of problems.

Well, today was international White Ribbon Day – a day when people are asked to wear a white ribbon to signify that they don’t condone violence towards women. I wore my ribbon proudly (so did Lynsey) and hoped that someone’s life might be turned around because of the messages being communicated today.

During the lunch hour an organised run through the centre of the city was held. Twenty teams, consisting of ten men in each team (young, old, and disabled), ran along Wellington streets while at the same time being joined together by a 50 metre long white ribbon. I felt particularly proud as I saw ten male colleagues from my workplace run past me.

It is so easy to opt out and say this is not my problem. The reality is you never know when it could be something you or a close family member or friend might have to live with. We need to be there for one another – not brush this under the carpet and pretend it is not a problem when it so obviously is.

Today raised awareness – that is a fantastic step forward.

As Bruce Pilbrow, Deputy Chief Commissioner of the Families Commission, says:

We want people to know that they can make a difference. Simply by wearing the white ribbon, men can make it clear to other men that they do not tolerate violence against women. You can make sure your home, business or your sports club are safe environments, where abusive behaviour is not tolerated.

Change comes in small increments. But working together we can make a real difference.

Manifesto
23. Every day retain your personal power. It belongs to you. No one else.
28. Every day you will be tested.
31. Every day mend bridges, bury hatchets, say sorry and move on.

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