© 2009 Marica

103 – Can you feel it?

There is a vitality, a life-force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action and because there is only one of you in all of time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and be lost.
— Martha Graham, Choreographer

We are so much more than merely our physical form. There is an energy, a unique powerhouse, that is centred deep within us all that is rarely fully fathomed or realised by ourselves or by others. We are extraordinary – I like to think of us all as magical mystery packages – in every sense of the word.

This afternoon I went to my nieces end of year ballet show. It had the very apt title of “Can you feel it?” and I felt a lot – actually a surprising amount and I wasn’t prepared for this flood of emotion to attack me in this way.

Sitting in the darkened auditorium watching the dancers – not just girls either, there were boys (yes, more than one) dancing as well – performing a variety of different ballet modes – classical, jazz, contemporary, hip hop, rock and roll – I was overcome by the passion and joy expressed through body movement. And then there was the music – songs I loved, music that stirred the emotions. I so wanted to be up there dancing.

When my niece Olivia appeared on the stage for the first time I felt the tears begin to stream down my face. They kept coming and I couldn’t control them. I saw Olivia in a whole new light as I watched her dance – dressed in a white sheer flowing tunic covered in sequins. Her face, the feeling she was expressing, her determination, her focus, the love of what she was doing – it was there for all to see. Olivia sparkled in a way that I had never seen before – this young woman whom I have known since the moment of her birth shone so brightly it was overwhelming. As Olivia moved to the music (Sarah McLachlan’s Angel) my thoughts were racing – it was about so much more than her. She was the catalyst for the floodgate opening. I looked at Olivia and I started to think about me …

And times gone by when my daughters danced and I was a ballet mother who  sewed costumes, helped backstage, sat through many hours of rehearsals, supporting my children, being taxi driver, chief cook and bottle washer … the fact that I miss my daughters – their vibrancy and energy, the fun and laughter we always shared – all of it keeps me going and I’m missing this as they are no longer living at home or even close by … the power of music and dance (it always gets to me) … the suppleness of the dancers and how they managed to get their bodies to do the things they did (I wish I could do these things with my body) … the freedom of it all to just be, to let that inner energy out in a way that nurtures the self … to be creative and to have fun doing something you love.

There were also the memories of the times I performed in exactly this theatre as a young girl. I remembered the ballet recitals and the piano competitions. How did I get to be so old so quickly?

You can definitely say I felt something this afternoon.

“Did you get any photos?” asked Lynsey when I arrived home.

“No,” I said. “I tried to take some photos but we weren’t allowed to use the flash and it was so dark I only managed to get some blurry shots even after playing with the settings on my camera. The photos I did get are all rubbish.”

Well that is what I thought until I downloaded them on to my computer.

As I looked at the blurry images I had captured I got a sense of the life-force, the energy, that was being expressed. You could see where each body had been and where it was in the moment I captured the image. It felt like each person was flying through space and I had captured evidence of this.

Imagine if we could do this every day, every moment of our life – fly as though this moment was the only thing that mattered in the whole world and really feel the joy of that experience.

04. Every day is an opportunity to cultivate the promise of the future.
14. Every day the ordinary can be the extraordinary.
19. Every day make time for yourself.