I feel that change is in the air. We’re working through our new years resolutions, new plans, goals, dreams, aspirations, theme, and word for the year. No wonder we’re exhausted, we’re so busy sorting out our focus for the year we haven’t got time for staring into space.
I’ve been thinking about doors, not walls. While I’m in the basement, working on tidying up a wall. It’s not that kind of wall I’ve been thinking about, rather the walls we build around our hearts. You might’ve been hurt as a child [or just last week] and the natural response is to build a bit of a shield – a wall – around your heart. After a few years the shield becomes a full strength suit of armor.
This is not a bad thing – you have every right to protect yourself. Except it can be difficult when it comes to relationships. When you’re older, you find your armor might’ve rusted solid. It becomes harder and harder to take off, or even to move it a little to one side.
I don’t know what the answer is.
Do we simply become so hard hearted that nothing can hurt us or do we somehow tear away our carapace and become like a sweet, tender baby? I don’t know that I can risk that, as much as the idea appeals. I’ve got a job where having a wall around your heart is a life saving mechanism. I’ve got roles and responsibilities, just like you. Being vulnerable like a baby would be a high risk activity for me.
But then there’s that little voice whispering to me. What would you do if you suddenly became vulnerable? If you stop and reflect for a moment you – like me – might find that to be quite a frightening thought. Last week I worked with a client who was in recovery from a stroke. The client had been mute for months. Had to learn to talk again, how to walk again, how to get through life as a totally vulnerable adult. I became part of that person’s people. For that time I became the armor that the client needed.
Maybe the most difficult confrontation is that once the wall was breached, we would have to rebuilt a relationship with ourselves. Could I ever love me again? When you ask that question to your heart listen/feel how it feels. Listen again.
Could I ever love me again?
Manifesto
08. Every day choose to bring about change.
12. Every day love yourself.
27. Every day pain is a sign of growing.
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